Effins Jerky Company. A review.

I'm not sure if all of you know about Effins Jerky Company, but, the amazingly talented Kevin Cahill owns a beef jerky company with that name. This man is a beef jerky GOD! He does things with meat that are borderline inappropriate to talk about. Thankfully, I'm writing and not talking, so we're in the clear. He is a friend of mine over on the Book of Face. You may know of it as Facebook. He is the kind of friend that you want. In fact, he is the kind of friend that you need. Today, I received a package of the Hawaiian and the Hot and Sweet jerky that he sells. Here is how that made me feel.


To start, the Hawaiian, OMFG the Hawaiian. Seriously, in my mouth, OMFG. I've been to Hawaii, several times in fact. It doesn't taste like this. This tastes like a Hawaiian girl, with a perfect body, dancing the Hula in your mouth while talking about the naughty things she's going to do to you in that Hula skirt. OMFG The Hawaiian. In my defense, when I was in Hawaii, I was too young for those kinds of things to happen. Now though, I'll just eat his jerky and save myself the cost of a plane ticket. Next, the Hot and Sweet. It is a literal perfect combination of hot and sweet. It's like a quirky girl. Just hot enough to get you riled, but just sweet enough to introduce to your mom. This particular jerky is everything that Zooey Deschanel tries to exude at all times.

In conclusion, go to Facebook and like Effins Jerky Company (which can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Effins-Jerky-Company/254475591248243).  You will like it, he will like it, and it will make the world a better place.  Holy balls, that was good.  

Pictured: Effins Jerky, not fucking around in any way.