Perfect Pre/Post Coitus Breakfast

Breakfast….. for dinner, or breakfast even.

This one is a no-brainer.  Every once in a while it’s cool to have breakfast for dinner.  Everyone knows this.  If our 9 year old selves could teach us one thing about food, it would be that sometimes pancakes, a couple eggs, and some bacon is what your ass needs to make for dinner!  When Mom did it for you when you were a kid, it was awesome.  When you do it for your prospective mate, if you do it right, they will melt like a warm pat of butter down the side of a golden brown pancake.  This should look almost exactly like honey, butter, or other delicious things running down a perfectly tanned ass.  It’s a good thing, if you’re confused. 

-Perfect Pre/Post Coitus Pancakes-

1 ½ cups of flour

3 ½ teaspoons of baking powder

1 teaspoon of salt

2 big ol’ heaping tablespoons of brown sugar

1 teaspoon to 1 tablespoon of vanilla (the fake kind is ok in the same way that fake breasts are okay – artificial only passes for real from a distance)

Cinnamon - to taste

1 large egg

1 ½ cups of raw milk

3 tablespoons of butter, melted

Some form of delicious syrupy goodness

Put each ingredient in a big bowl, in the order it’s listed, except for the syrup.  That goes on your date….. and, to a lesser degree, your pancakes.  This process is simple.  Dry ingredients, followed by wet ingredients, makes things good.  This is a life lesson.  Learn it.  She’ll like you for it.  Mix your pancake batter with a fork or a whisk; this will make it come out nice and smooth.  When they are mixed to a smooth consistency you’re done.  It’s almost exactly like the opposite of rocket science.  Next, take a 2/3 or ¾ measuring cup and use it to scoop perfect amounts of batter for your pancakes.  

This guy is should have doubled the recipe.

Take the other half of the stick of butter and jam a fork in it.  This is for greasing your pan.  Spray on grease tastes like ass, and not in any way that can be confused with good either.  It tastes like oily chemical ass.  This is very similar to what most of the air tastes like in Los Angeles.  You don’t want your pancakes to taste like Los Angeles, not for any reason, not ever, so just use the butter.  Make sure you don’t turn your heat up too high.  You want to cook your pancakes in a non-stick pan, with the butter, at about ½ to ¾ strength (also known as medium to medium high).  When they start to have bubbles coming through the top, flip them.  It might take a couple of tries to get the timing for flipping them just right, since every stove is just a little bit different than the one at your Mom’s house (because her pancakes were always perfect), which is why this recipe will likely make more than you need.  When done, you should have between 7 and 9 delicious cakes of sex-inducing goodness.  Now, if you need to be told how to make a few pieces of bacon and how to fry a couple of eggs, you’re screwed.  Also, get good syrup.  Mrs. Butterworth is rad and all, but remember: you’re trying to be classy.  It also doesn’t taste nearly as good as pure maple out of a prospective steady's belly button. 

-Variations-

If you really aren’t an eggs and bacon kind of person, grab some Nutella (also delicious served warm on a post dinner nipple), slice up some bananas and strawberries, and make this shit classy!  Added bonus, taking slices of strawberries with some Nutella on them and hand feeding them to your date.  Melt factor increases by a minimum of 10 fold.  It’s proven math.  Ask a scientist!

Like this, only less hairy.  Scratch that, I would love this.