Question:
What do we do when we fall off the horse?
Answer:
Fuck riding horses. Turn them into food.
HOORAY! WE'RE GONNA BE FOOD!
When you first start trying to prepare delicious
meals, you will likely suck at it. This
is normal, okay, and not a huge worry.
Unless your mother spent time in a federal detention center for insider
trading, you likely weren’t born with the skills needed to make food perfect
right from the start. If you happen to
be the culinary equivalent of Superman, fuck you. Dick.
Go back to being awesome. The
rest of us will work at trying to be as amazing as you while looking less
retarded in tights.
What a bag of dicks.
Try this stuff out
on yourself or your friends (preferably the ones that love you enough not to
punch you in the face if the food is bad) before feeding it to anyone. This works especially well if you’ve all been
drinking, heavily. If your food tastes
like ass, you’ll all laugh and make jokes about how you rubbed your balls in it
before letting them eat it. If it’s
amazing, nothing makes a drunk happier than good food. Drunks are also more likely to be honest with
you. If the aforementioned anyones are already into you, they might not want to
hurt your tender girly feelings, but they also won’t be nearly as turned on by
your incredible Fat Kid prowess. Nothing
un-coitus’ someone faster than having to coddle you like your mom. Buck up, test some shit out on you and your
friends, and have a laugh. The end bonus
to all this: Regardless of your sexual indications, People dig confidence, so
looking super confident while you’re cooking will get them turned on even
before the food starts doing it. That’s
horny^2 if you’re into math.
