I am not a scientist

Just to be clear, if the title doesn't already make it clear, I am not a scientist.  I can read some sciencey words and kind of, sort of, a little bit, know what they mean, but I'm not a scientist in any sense of the word. So, now that that's cleared up, let me explain why that's important.

Food is kind of science.  Certain things go together to create certain reactions and then you put those reactions in your face hole. If you do it right it won't suck. If you do it wrong you might as well call some sort of hazmat team to fix your fuck up, because it's gonna be gross.  So, how the shit do big companies use ingredients with names I can't pronounce manage to make food that doesn't taste like an oil spill? I have absolutely no idea. I have a college education.  Not one of the mail order ones either.  I went to big boy school and I can't pronounce this shit.  But, I'll be damned if eating an Oreo doesn't have me at half mast. I use ingredients that have been on the planet far longer than I have, but I still can't make anything as boner inducingly delicious as some of the prepackaged crap in the world. Also, I try really really hard to make food that is unnecessarily good, but those Nabisco fucking wizards always have to raise the damn bar.

Still has less natural ingredients than an Oreo

So, as my final thought, fuck you food scientists. You have set an unfair cookie bar for the rest of us and you should feel bad.  

Seriously though, don't eat that shit. It's bad for you.